


Katsuki’s Survival guide for new recruits

by Kimbapchan



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, M/M, Not Beta Read, Overpowered Midoriya Izuku, Pro Hero Bakugou Katsuki, Villain Amajiki Tamaki, Villain Kaminari Denki, Villain Midoriya Izuku, Villain Todoroki Shouto
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:02:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28780944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kimbapchan/pseuds/Kimbapchan
Summary: Spin-off fanfic series to the villain Waifu deku AU minicomics.Bakugo Katsuki has recently infiltrated his husband, Bakugo Izuku’s secret villain orgnanization. Disguised as a quirkless man named ‘Hearth’, he made it his mission to learn more about how and why his adorable little husband became this big villain boss guy. However, he found out that in this organization filled with overpowered freaks, there were unspoken rules that needed to be strictly followed if you want to survive past being a new recruit. He created this ‘survival guide’ and compiled those rules for future reference.
Relationships: Amajiki Tamaki/Toogata Mirio, Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku
Comments: 135
Kudos: 595





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a spin-off series from the villain Waifu deku AU. Please head on over to Kimidoodlez on Instagram if you wish to read the main minicomic series. 
> 
> I will also be using Ground Zero for Katsuki’s hero name to avoid spoilers for anime-only readers. Thankyou!

Prologue

Hey, my name’s Bakugo Katsuki. I recently learned that my husband’s the most feared and powerful villain, the big boss. Now, I made it my mission to find out why and how that fucking happened. So with the help of Kaminari Denki, I was ‘recruited’ into ‘the organization’ disguised as a quirkless new recruit named ‘Hearth’. I want to know more about this ‘organization’....their true motives, origins, and how my sweet precious, adorable Izuku became this batshit crazy big boss guy.

I’ve been a ‘new recruit’ for a few months now and in that short period of time, I learned a lot of things about this ‘organization’. It’s members are all freaks. Overpowered villains both known and unknown. You’d shit your pants reading this if I listed just the dudes I’d sit beside during lunch at the organization cafeteria. Well me? I’m sort of...used to it. Once you’ve been forced to go on a fishing trip with your father in-law who turned out to be fucking All for one, nothing else would scare the hell out of you. But yeah...anyways back to the topic.

So with an organization filled with insanely powerful villains, it would be wise to poke around and get to know the ‘unspoken rules’ of this place. Yeah, every part of the villainous underworld has them. Whether in illegal brothels, drug dens, prison, the black market... all these places would have these ‘unspoken rules” like snitches get stitches or something like that. Don’t ask me how I knew this but I was right. In this notebook, I’ve compiled a list of unspoken rules detrimental for a new recruit’s survival in this organization. I’ve learned these rules through either experience or through stories told by the other members. It would be useful for me to write all these down in this notebook for future reference.


	2. Rule 1: Never Touch the Ground Zero Plushie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will continue to use “Ground Zero” for Katsuki’s hero name to prevent spoilers for anime only’s.
> 
> Katsuki’s nicknames:  
> Dunce face: Denki  
> Ice bastard / half and half: Shoto  
> Crystal face: Momo

My husband’s always been such a hero nerd even when we were little kids. Back then, he’d collect all the All Might stuff he could get his tiny little hands on. It was cute and I’d even join him in this little hobby as I was also a fan of All Might. I found it especially endearing when he started collecting merch of me. It actually helped me cope with my rising fame in my newbie years. I was always so fucking awkward when dealing with popularity and ‘fans’. Sure, I can’t say I didn’t enjoy the attention, but the rising approval ratings and how I shot up to top 5’s gave me a bit of anxiety. The first time I saw toys of me on store shelves....it felt so fucking weird and surreal. I was sweating buckets. Thank the gods I can fucking control my quirk now or I would have erupted like a one man fireworks show right then and there. 

‘This is it. I’m a fucking pro hero....one of the top five. Holy shit. Oh fuck...’ 

I was an idiot having a mental breakdown over a stupid fucking toy of me. But it was weird. That toy reminded me that I’ve made it to the top 5, I’m almost there... just a few more and I’ll be number 1. Many kids would ask their moms to buy that toy just as I have when I was a kid. Will those brats like that toy? Or would I somehow fuck it up and cause them to throw that toy and buy a better toy of a better hero? Thinking back, I was a dumbass for being this fucking insecure. I’m a lot better now, I don’t care about shitty extras anymore and just focus on what matters. Saving lives. Izuku helped me realize that...just as he held my hand and dragged me over to that shelf. That was the first time he ever saw merch of me. He nearly caused a scene from how much he cried and squealed. I was obviously snapped out from my dark thoughts. Izuku’s pure joy and excitement over my toy was...relieving. That time, I realized I shouldn’t think too much about what other people think. Heroes shouldn’t really care about shit like ‘approval ratings’ and all that crap. The only approval I needed was from my babycakes. My job wasn’t to please people, it’s to fucking save them and beat the shit out of the bad guys. Cheesy as fuck, yeah, but if you saw how happy Izuku was? You wouldn’t blame me for my cheesiness. It was funny how much that little man cried though... holy fuck, his eyes were like faucets. Was that even humanly possible?

Anyways, it was cute that my husband collects merch of me. I know it’s narcissistic, but I find it flattering. I usually don’t mind it, but sometimes, it does cross a few lines. He’d bring weird shit like a body pillow and a life sized plush of me....I banned those from the bedroom so the body pillow was exiled to the livingroom of our house. Our dog bomber, however, pissed on it this morning so now it’s at the laundry room. And the life sized plush? I recently found it in the organization’s break room....which is the last thing you’d expect to see in a secret villain headquarters. Apparently, Izuku has his own fucking room for MY merch alone in this place. Dunce face Kaminari told me about it, even offered to show me there which I promptly refused. He said Izuku allows ‘public viewing’ of his hero collections to his subordinates. The fuck? What kind of villain boss has a little hero museum in their fucking villain hideout? Geez, babycakes... 

I noticed that Izuku would sometimes carry around a small plush toy of me. No one questions him about it. I think everyone’s used to his hero nerdiness by now. I also never noticed that no one seems to dare touch the plush too. It seemed like common sense not to touch someone’s stuff so I didn’t think too much about it. I didn’t know back then that it was one of the most important cardinal unspoken rule. Never touch the boss’s Ground Zero doll. 

It was during an infiltration from an enemy villain organization that I found out about that first rule. The shitty weaklings were quickly defeated and captured. Well except for one guy. That little asshole’s a clever one. I think his quirk had something to do with teleportation and shadows. He didn’t go through the usual quirk explanation thing so the hell do I know. He managed to get far enough to the ground floor. I don’t know how the hell these guys knew, but the organization’s main hideout’s built so that the lower the floor, the higher your rank. This basically means ground floor is where the core members hang out. Of course, my babycakes is at the basement. So anyways, the little fucker managed to teleport himself to the break room. It just so happens that my cute little husband was taking a nap on the couch. I can imagine he would be tucked in a blanket, hugging his little plush of me. Fucking adorable. 

However, it wasn’t at all adorable when we arrived. HOLY FUCK. 

The room was a bloody mess. Everything else was where it usually was meaning there were no signs of a struggle. However, blood was everywhere. On the floor on, the walls...on babycakes, and of course, on the....uh...body, half of the body, which can be found on the floor next to what seems like Izuku’s plushie which was also torn in half. Oh Shit. 

Izuku had an cold but annoyed look on his face. He grabbed the broken doll and walked away from the room. “Clean this up please.”

Later, we found out through dunce face that the intruder found Izuku still napping on the couch. Apparently, babycakes was ignoring him as he slept on. Pissed, the guy tried prying the doll from Izuku to attempt to wake him up. However, he pulled too hard and ripped the doll in half. That’s when Izuku’s eyes opened all glowy and shit. Babycakes ripped the motherfucker’s torso off and made half of it explode. Oh god. That’s why there was blood and chunks of flesh all over the fucking walls. My baby was PISSED holy shit. Gotta remind myself to respect that shitty body pillow more...I would like to keep my body intact. Oh god.

So that’s how I learned the first unspoken rule. This is probably the MOST important one. Never ever fucking touch the doll. 

Don’t worry, I saw Izuku carrying the doll the next day. I think Half and Half sewed it back for him since crystal face was out on an international mission and couldn’t create a new doll for him. Babycakes seemed content hugging the Frankenstein doll me. Cute.


	3. Rule 2: Never get between Suneater and his food

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are Katekyo hitman reborn cameo’s on this chapter. And when Katsuki mentioned he met Tsuna, it was during the body swap arc of the villain Waifu deku AU minicomics.

The Organization’s main cafeteria is where you’ll get to see just how big this organization is and how widespread my husband’s influence was in the underworld. There were so many wanted criminals and villains both local and international just casually dining in this cafeteria. I recognize some of them. I may even have fought one of these bastards, but most of them were the stuff of legends. For example, Hero Killer stain. He terrorized most of our highschool days, got even one of my classmates on UA, four eyes, almost suspended. It’s a whole mess I’d rather not get into right now. Basically, this guy killed heroes who were not ‘worthy’ in his eyes. Not that I agree with him, but the heroes he killed ended up being corrupt fucks after they were looked into by the authorities. Killing is still a crime so Stain got sent to Tartarus. There were rumors of him escaping and I guess those rumors were true. I didn’t know he was a part of this organization, nobody seems to be paying attention to him. Especially since he was handing out fliers for an All Might Video fight marathon. What the fuck. Is this guy a hero nerd too? Not surprised. I can see those all Might pins on his satchel...Izuku had the same ones on his backpack.

Another example would be my dad in-law, who’s sitting beside me drinking whiskey. Everyone knows him as All for One, a terrifying villain who can steal and transfer quirks. He’s very well known but was thought to have retired and disappeared from the public eye mysteriously. He apparently did retire after he found an heir to his ‘legacy’. Shigaraki, his adopted son. Yes, I’m aware he didn’t seem to pick his other son, Izuku. It’s a whole mess of a family drama which has been resolved just recently. I’d rather not get into it. Now, dad’s (yes, he forces me to call him that.) on good terms with Izuku and has even joined the Organization. The old man’s actually pretty okay once you get to know him. Right now as I write this, he’s been telling me how annoyed he was about Stain and his fanboying over All Might.

“Toshinori’s not that great of a guy, pah! He’s a bully I tell you!” Dad then started ranting about how he almost got his ass beat a dozen of times while trying to court Auntie Inko. I zoned out after that so I can’t remember most of what he said. I don’t want to hear about how my father-in-law got with Auntie Inko. That’s so fucking weird. 

But anyway, there are other famous villains I could vaguely recognize sitting on my table right now. A strange pair sat across me. I recognize one of them as a leader of a famous Mafia Family. I don’t know much about them but I sometimes hear about these guys whenever I’d get a mission from Italy. Vongola was it? I met this guy once, but he seemed different. The last time we talked, his head had a floating ball of orange flame hovering over it. He had an air of authority and calmness to him. He was obviously the leader of this Mafia family. But right now, he probably had his quirk turned off or some shit. He also acted all weird and goofy, like a scared tiny animal in a den of wolves. He was trying to calm down his companion who seemed pissed off.

“I swear, that half and half asshole’s getting on my Goddamn nerves, I’ll blow that bastard to kingdom come!”  
“Gokudera-kun, calm down! Todoroki-kun didn’t mean any harm!”

Man, that other guy needs to fucking calm down. He pisses me off for some reason. He gives me school delinquent vibes and I hate those kinds of people. I’d try to shut this octopus hair loud mouth up but I’d rather not stick my nose into their business. Especially if their business involved Half and half. No one messes with Half and half when he’s on break. Actually, that’s a rule I’ll be discussing later on....

Like I said, this place is filled with freaks so you gotta keep your guard up at all times. So now let’s discuss rule number two. 

Never ever get between Tamaki and his food. 

You may know him as Sun Eater, a very well known villain. I was so shocked when I learned that Suneater was Togata Tamaki , Mirio-senpai’s house husband. I do often meet him outside of the organization. He always brings Mirio-senpai’s lunch and sometimes hangs out at my agency. He’s friends with one of my sidekicks, stupid hair Kirishima Eijirou. I didn’t think he’d be a part of this organization. Tamaki is... a very timid and socially anxious man. Completely harmless and domesticated. No one would ever suspect him to be a villain let alone a violent and sadistic one such as Suneater. Suneater’s known to be an absolute monster. Like, literally, he turns into a fucking lovecraftian monstrosity if you piss him off enough. So it should be common knowledge to never piss him off. Unfortunately, I think people needed to be reminded of that every once in a while. Tamaki isn’t very good at looking ‘villainous’ and ‘scary’ even when he’s in his villain costume. 

Tamaki was enjoying his takoyaki snack in the other table. He was sitting right next to....wait what the fuck- is that Mirio senpai?! Anyways, Tamaki was quietly enjoying his snack when a random new recruit passed by. This dude was obviously new but he was bragging to his friend about stupid shit. He was being dramatic and loud flailing his arms around like a dumbass. 

“You see? The big boss finally recognizes my power. I think I’m even ready to take on the core members. Hah! I’ll be at the very bottom of this building in no time! Just you wait, my rank will soar so high, I might even beat Nightfire-“

In the middle of his obnoxious bragging, the new recruit knocked over Tamaki’s snack, spilling takoyaki sauce saw all over him and Mirio-senpai’s pristine white hero costume. (Seriously, what the hell is this dude doing here and IN hero costume no less!). 

“Oh shit dude, that’s Suneater. He’s one of the core members!” The new recruit’s friend panicked. At least this guy is smart, unlike his friend who seemed unbothered. In fact, the fucker smirked and went over to Tamaki. 

“So you’re the infamous Suneater. I see Lemillion over there. What a coincidence. I was just about to come find you!”

The entire room almost immediately went silent. Either this douchebag is a complete oblivious idiot or he simply didn’t know who Suneater was. I assume he thought Tamaki was the weakest core member from how timid and shy he acts but that can’t be farther from the truth. 

“I was still....eating that...” Tamaki spoke up, looking down at the spilled snack then to Mirio-senpai. “And you ruined my husband’s costume....I just washed that.” 

The new recruit never had a chance. Before he could even say anything, tentacles shot out from behind Tamaki. They grabbed all five of the guy’s limbs including his head. The poor fucker screamed in pain and fear as Tamaki proceeded to pull and tug until he basically plucked off the guy’s arms legs and head. Blood sprayed all over the place, it was messy as fuck. It’s a good thing I was far away from the splash zone. Some blood got on dad though, it was funny. 

Tamaki, still in a feral mood, had picked up the severed head. Much to everyone’s horror, he was about to chomp down on it when Mirio grabbed him from behind. 

“Alright that’s enough, sweetie.” 

Tamaki merely hissed and growled but he let Mirio carry him out of the room like a loving husband to his....uh....blood-covered bride. Weirdest shit I’ve ever seen. That definitely ruined my appetite. But that’s one lesson learned. Never get between Tamaki and his food. Or he’ll eat your face. Literally.

Don’t be afraid of Tamaki though, he’s usually a nice chill dude. He’ll even share his snack if he’s in a very good mood. You just have to be patient with him. He startles easily and is extremely shy. I still have no idea why Mirio-senpai was there, casually eating lunch with the villains in his hero costume. What the fuck.


	4. Rule 3: Never ever try to enter the basement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Katsuki’s nicknames:  
> Dunce face: Denki  
> Fake wife: Toga  
> Handjob: Shigaraki

I mentioned in the past that the Organization’s main hideout was built systematically. I was surprised at how big this place was especially when I discovered that this underground facility had 4 levels in total. The lower you go, the higher the rank of the people who live there. I’ll try to give you a rundown of all the levels as best I can. Thanks to dunce face, I was able to access three levels. Newbies recruited directly by core members are given more freedom. 

Normally, if you’re a newbie, you can only access the top floor. The top floor is where all new recruits and passerby villains hang out. You can find a training facility and the main cafeteria on this floor. Pretty standard and nothing fancy. Sort of reminds me of the Tokyo station.

You may wonder why passerby villains who probably don’t have any allegiance or affiliation to the big boss hang out here. Well, this is also where you’ll find the black market apparently. Us pro heroes are well aware of the rumors with the big boss’s control over of the world’s black market. He’s known to be an authoritative figure amongst villains so naturally he would be in charge of illegal trade. However, I didn’t expect the ‘black market’ to be a literal fucking mall. You’d think villains would be discreet in doing their illegal trading over at the dark web or some shit like that. Fucking no. There were shops here advertising their wares with fucking neon signs and even a goddamn mascot giving out free samples of their newest weapon or drug. There were normal stores mixed in for when I guess if villains needed grocery or clothes. I can even spot a fucking Daiso in the corner....and is that a clothing store with fucking Aoyama as the model? He was my classmate back in hischchool, with the laser belly button quirk I think....huh, he must own the store. 

If Babycakes owns all of these, why does he freak out over coupons and discounts at our local grocery store? Anyways, let’s move onto the next level.

The next level is where you’ll find high profile villains who are protected by the organization under a treaty of some sort. This place is an underground city. No shit, I’m being serious here. The first time I arrived there, I felt amazed and overwhelmed. How the FUCK did they build a whole ass city underground?! This is like something from a sci fi movie. Wakanda fucking who?! Sorry, we don’t know her. 

In contrast to the simple interiors of the previous level that only consisted of hallways and open areas, this place is literally a city with tall ass buildings and roads. Really, how the hell did they fit all this underground!? I noticed that the place was powered by the same crystals on our villain costumes, I can see them on the street lamps and electric cords. I could go on and speculate how they managed to do all this shit but this journal entry would become a novel. I’d rather not nerd out too much on this shit, but I’m fascinated and curious. Gotta ask crystal face about it some other time. 

I would have stayed amazed if it weren’t for that gigantic ass statue of me right in the fucking middle of this damn city. What the actual living fuck babycakes?! That Godamn nerd! Dunce face was laughing his ass off next to me as I stood there feeling embarrassed as all hell. I mean....it’s flattering that my husband would love me this much to put a fucking big ass statue of me in his underground villain city but...THIS IS WORST THAT THE FUCKING BODY PILLOW. I hope our dog would piss on this statue too. 

“You know he literally had to fight Shoto to get this statue made.” Dunce face explained. Izuku apparently had an all-out spar with half and half and his prize was this statue. It became such a huge tournament event where everyone in the organization watched and took bets. Of course, my baby won (hah! Take that, half and half!). 

“Wouldn’t All Might be a better fucking choice?!”  
“Don’t worry, You can find All Might’s statue at the park.”   
“That hero nerd....”

Let’s move to the last floor I can access. The Ground floor is where the core members normally hangout and live. This place is equally as big as the previous floor, but this one isn’t as commercialized. Everything in here is private property. Each core member would have their own living quarters in this place. It looked more like a huge exclusive fancy hotel with tons of facilities no one but the core members had access to. I haven’t explored the entire area, I’ve been to the lounge which is a large room where all core members and their directly hired new recruits hang out at. I usually bump into Fake wife, Twice and handjob here. They’re all the accidental new recruits who were taken in by Aoyama. 

Izuku hangs out here too, his second office can be found on this floor and it’s where he usually conducts his big boss paperwork duties. I sometimes get assigned to stand guard and watch over him. Newbies normally don’t get to meet the big boss directly, but since I’m introduced as a core member’s direct hire, they assign me tasks like these. Man, it’s so fucking weird to watch my husband work. I was so used to watching him do housework like cooking, cleaning, and taking out suspiciously large trash bags but I never thought I’d get to see him in a professional business-like setting. He looked so serious (and fucking hot) reviewing and signing all these documents. But he’s still my babycakes. Makes me smile whenever I would see that action figure of me and All Might on his desk. There were even framed photos of us and bomber. However, let’s ignore that frame photo of my abs in another corner of the desk....

There are times when Izuku would feel mischievous and he’d attempt to escape the work....but that’s a story and an unspoken rule for another time.

The last facility in this floor that I managed to visit (and break into twice) was the research and medical facility. This place is fucking insane. I told you about the interesting contraptions and crystal power supplies over at the previous floor right? This is where all that stuff is made. The big boss has a huge team of scientists, support mechanics, and doctors under his protection and employment. If the government or universities in the normal world wouldn’t fund these people, they would seek out the big boss. Izuku allows these people more freedom to do their crazy experiments and shit provided that they do not touch innocent heroes and civilians. Thank the fucking gods. In return, I guess they supply the organization their tech. 

I mentioned that I broke into this place twice in the past. It was during the time my husband was in a coma. It’s a long story, but yeah, they have a medical facility in here too. That’s good, at least members of the organization especially my babycakes can be treated easily should they be injured during missions. Dunce face said there were smaller medical facilities in all the previous floors, but this one is where major surgeries and procedures take place. It’s because all the higher ranked and highly skilled doctors and retired support villains live here. I didn’t even know there was such a thing as ‘support villains’. 

So finally, we get to the unspoken rule.

Never ever try to enter the basement. This is where the big boss and the 2 other founders reside. 

It should be pretty obvious that as a new recruit, you’re not allowed in the basement. You can’t even access the ground floor. However, some dumb fucks are always attempting to access it, especially double agents and spies. 

It’s common knowledge amongst the inhabitants of this place that the big boss lives in the basement. Not even dunce face has been there. The place is a mystery even amongst the core members. We can only use our imagination on what that place is like. Dunce face thinks it a literal fucking hell. 

“With how deep below ground this place is, boss’s house must be near the earth’s core. So naturally, it would be all hellfire and lava.”

I doubt that. Babycakes can’t stand the heat. He complains so much during summer that he even breaks his rule of ‘do not use the ac in the morning’ because he’s so strict with budgeting. Still can’t believe he’s so frugal about our electric bill when he owns an entire fucking villain city.

Some members speculate that it’s a portal to another place like Antarctica or even the fucking bermuda triangle. Stupid shit but hey, you can’t discount that possibility right? If they can build a fucking wakanda-looking city underground Japan, they can probably do that shit in the Arctic too.

With a place so mysterious and unknown to even the core members, of course everyone at the organization was dying to know what it was like inside the basement. Dumbass newbies always attempt to infiltrate the area to sate their curiosity. Even I won’t go in there unless I have a death wish. It’s an unspoken and a very obvious rule that you’re not supposed to intrude on the big boss’s house. They didn’t know that even a tiny peek could get you killed. Doesn’t matter if you’re the big boss’s ally or a spy. Consider your life forfeited the moment you push the button that leads to the basement.

Dunce face once told me about a spy who tried to infiltrate the basement. Holy shit it was crazy. The guy had an ability similar to Toga. He disguised himself as Shoto and managed to make it all the way to the ground level. However, when he entered the elevator that lead to the basement, that’s when shit went down. Dunce face explained that the button to the basement was designed so that it also requires one of the three founder’s fingerprint (and Auntie Inko’s too, surprisingly) to enter. If it detected an error in the fingerprint, the floors would disappear and the spy was thrown into a small dark room. 

Dunce face explained that it was his unfortunate job to clean after that room because that’s where Minoru Mineta plays. You may know him as the deceased hero grape juice. He’s the organization’s version of a Nomu....don’t worry, they didn’t experiment on him when he was alive. The scientists found his dead body and they wanted to see if they could revive him. Looks like they were successful, they even altered his quirk a little. So that’s why Mineta’s there. He’s changed so much physically and I guess mentally? He’s not a fucking pervert anymore and his quirk’s changed. He’s a fucking monster, almost at par with Tamaki.

The spy, the moment he fell into the room, was caught in Mineta’s puddle. He can turn his entire body into a sticky slime-like substance. What once his hair is now his entire body. The unfortunate fuck could try to struggle, but he’d only sink deeper into the puddle. Slowly, Mineta ate the dude and digested him. But this room isn’t called his ‘play room’ for nothing. Apparently, Mineta likes to fucking play with his food. So the fucker’s death was slow and painful. Dunce face told me he found fucker’s organs and whole ass face superglued to the wall like a fucked up art display. But he scolded Mineta and told him to cut that shit out. They were actually arguing about it during lunch break.

“I was bored and you never let me go outside anymore. I had to find some kind of entertainment.”  
“I was busy! Just stay in your room and kill intruders more cleanly. It’s annoying to scrape off those guts on the walls.”  
“You suck, you’re not busy. You’re just at the other floor chasing after sales ladies again.”

They were arguing on and on, I didnt care to listen so I just ignored them and finished up writing this journal entry. 

So there you have it, that’s why you should never ever try to go down the fucking basement. I hope someday I could see what’s in my husband’s second house, though. Hopefully not another huge ass statue of me. 

Oh yeah, I almost forgot to write this down but all this shit is right under fucking UA. Yeah, our old highschool.


	5. Rule 4: Never help the boss escape paperwork

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ll be using Ground zero for Katsuki’s hero name to avoid spoilers for anime-only’s.

So I mentioned in a previous entry that I get assigned to watch over the big boss every once in a while. You may wonder. Why does the most powerful villain need bodyguards? Well, it’s not actually to guard and ensure his safety. Trust me, my baby will fuck you up if you piss him off. Remember that time he ripped a dude in half just because the fucker broke his Ground Zero doll? Yeah. So I doubt anyone, especially a new recruit, would want to mess with my baby.

Anyways returning to the topic, trusted individuals are sometimes stationed to watch over the big boss to make sure he’s doing his work. It wasn’t at all surprising to me when dunce face said Izuku would sometimes attempt to skip out on paperwork. Babycakes is very efficient in doing his duties as the big boss, but when it comes to paperwork? Oh yeah, you literally have to tie him down to his chair to make him do it. I’ve had my fair share of chasing after my husband and forcing him to study for his exams and do his homework. Man, that was rough. I love him, but he’s so goddamn lazy when it comes to this stuff.

There was one time in summer, I found out that he hasn’t done any of his piled up school work and classes resume in two days. Holy shit I had to barricade the doors of his damn bedroom so he won’t escape. Now that I know the truth about him, I should have been more lenient. He must be doing some crazy vigilante shit back then with Half and half so he must have been busy....but the stack of manga by bed and anime DVD’s piled up on the floor begged to differ. Anyways, he ended up finishing it all, I helped but I made him do at least 70% of the work.

It’s amusing that even as a big-time villain boss, he still retains his shitty bad habits. I can imagine half and half’s frustration. But I guess everyone shares the burden since half and half makes every core member take turns to watch over Izuku whenever he has to do his paperwork. And today was my turn, unfortunately.

There’s an unspoken rule when it comes to watching over the big boss. Never ever help him escape it. He will attempt to ask you for help, even manipulate you, but resist it as best you can. If you don’t, suffer the consequences.

You’ll be an easy target for him if your new. He’ll try to garner sympathy and act all innocent. I shouldn’t be an easy target, I’m his damn husband but man....babycakes knows how to tug at heartstrings.

He sat in his desk, looking all sad and staring down at his paperwork. It’s as if he’s contemplating if he should set it on fire. Of course I was worried for him so asked him what’s up.

“Hearth, (that’s my fake name) you have a husband right? Does he know you’re a villain? I mean....does he know you work for me?”

The question caught me off guard that I choked on my own saliva.

“Uhm...no boss, he doesn’t know. I’m not ready to tell him that.” I managed to say, trying to choose my words carefully. Izuku nodded and glanced over to the toy figure of my likeness displayed on his desk. Was he...feeling guilt? I imagine he would occasionally have pangs of guilt for lying to me about this secret life of his. In fact, I’d be angry if he didn’t feel any form of remorse. I don’t exactly blame him, this situation is incredibly complicated. Now that I’m hiding things from him, I can sort of see things through his perspective too. I’ve also been learning more about this organization, his true motives... and I actually get it. Heck, I might even support it as the number one hero. But....

I know it’s bad, but it’s difficult to approach this. That’s why I haven’t confronted him about this yet. So this conversation feels incredibly awkward. Also, it hurts to see my baby looking so distressed and sad. I felt my chest clench. I want to hug him, give him a kiss on the lips and tell him it’s okay. Fuck.

“I haven’t told my husband too. I think you’d probably guess why...” he then laughed bitterly then I saw a tear roll down his cheeks. My husband senses were tingling, and it took every bit of my willpower to resist scooping up Izuku from his chair and hugging him into my arms. Fuuuuuck. My babycakes’s hurt, I want to comfort him so badly.

“Boss! Are you okay?” I asked, approaching Izuku and placing a hand on his back.

“I’m sorry.... I’m sorry...this is nothing. I just...” he sniffled. “I think I need fresh air to clear my head Y’know? Would you mind accompanying me outside?” He asked.

Without thinking, I nodded. After all, Izuku was more important to me than some shitty paperwork and orders from half and half. I can’t be Izuku’s comforting husband right now, so I’ll be his loyal subordinate and friend.

“Yes, of course boss. I would love to accompany you.”

He smiled and lead us out of his office and to the floor above which is the villain city. He toured me around for a bit. Passing by the park with the all might statue, the casino area that looked like a smaller Las Vegas, and finally to his favorite place: At the top of a small makeshift mountain overlooking the city. He used his crystal to disguise himself during all this so no one would be suspicious why the elusive big boss is roaming around this floor.

“I always come here whenever I feel sad about Kacchan or when I’m angry with him.” He chuckled at the last part. “We had this huge fight once, I stormed out and went straight to this place. I left my phone at home so I imagined Kacchan must have been tearing the whole city down looking for me. He didn’t know it was impossible to find me no matter how hard he tried. I know it’s mean, but I was mad and feeling petty...”

Holy shit, so this is where he went that one time. I thought he was kidnapped! I didn’t get a wink of sleep that night and never gave up looking. I can’t even remember what we were arguing about. All I could think of was that somewhere in the big city, my ‘quirkless’ husband was outside left unprotected and without his phone. So he was here?! Goddamnit Izuku.

“I can’t even remember what we were fighting about. But I spent the night here and when I came home the next day, I found him sitting by our door drinking coffee and looking like a mess.” Izuku stared at the statue of me that was unfortunately ruining the beautiful view of the city. I hate that thing. “I immediately regretted what I did. I know he had a long and tiring mission the day before so the last thing he needed was a night of no sleep...I think that’s the last time I did that. Whenever I would storm off during a fight, I’d bring my phone so he can call me later when we’ve both cooled down.”

No marriage is perfect, we fight and argue too but that only brings us closer together. We both made a vow to stay by each other’s side no matter what...during the good and the bad.... I know we’ll fight when the time comes that we confront each other about this, but I have faith in us that we’ll be able to handle it. I know for a fact that my love for my husband never once faltered even after discovering his secret. This is because I got to know the big boss too. He’s a fucking weirdo, but I can understand him and his weird fixation over balance and control.

Maybe....it was time. This very moment. Maybe I should...finally confront him about all this. All it takes is a push of a button. The crystal on my scarf. I can shed off this disguise and face him as Bakugo Katsuki, his husband.

“Izuku-“

Before I could speak any further, I heard yelling followed by....crackling of ice? I turned around and saw a fucking huge ass blue dragon thing heading my way. Oh shit, Night fire’s flame dragon. “Boss!” I turned to Izuku but he was...gone?!

“Tch, he got away.” Half and half walked over to me.  
“You. New recruit. You were supposed to watch over him and make sure he’s at his office, doing his paperwork.” The fire dragon then coiled itself around me. I thought I’d get burnt by it but the flames are surprisingly cold. The tight grip around my body was not at all pleasant. The thing lifted me off the ground. I didn’t think it would do anything to me nor did I think it was wise to struggle so I just kept still.

“You were tricked.” Half and half revealed. “There’s a secret exit here. He probably meant to escape and leave you behind to distract me. Clever little demon.” Half and half turned to me. “Do not repeat this mistake or I won’t be lenient with you next time, new recruit. However, you still need to be punished on his behalf.” He raised his hand up and the dragon’s grip on me tightened. Shit that hurts now.

What the fuck?! So Izuku meant to slip away from me this whole time and leave me to deal with half and half?! Was all that crying and sentimental talk for show?! I felt fucking betrayed! And he shared those highly sensitive things about us to a supposed stranger! Oh that little demon.

“He probably got emotional over his husband again.” Half and half faced away from me and towards the view where my stupid statue still stood tall and proud. “He always uses this secret exit during those random bouts of guilt and sadness over his husband.” Half and half then turned to me. I can’t read his expression at all.

“Don’t think too badly of him, new recruit. He tricked you, but if he said something about ground zero, it’s probably true.” He pointed to the bush near the area Izuku stood earlier. “That secret entrance leads directly to ground zero’s agency. It’s the only secret door through there. Only he can access it. He wanted to make sure he can get to ground zero quickly should an emergency occurs.”

Half and half then sighed. “Now then, since you let him go. I’ll be punishing you in his stead. Come along.” He flicked his hand and the dragon followed Shoto back to the ground floor where I was promptly punished for my husband’s betrayal.

Well, at least I can feel some form of petty revenge this time. No matter how hard Izuku would look, he’ll never find me even if he tore down the whole city.

But don’t worry. Half and half released me from his ice dragon later around midnight. I found my baby asleep at our front entrance, hugging that doll of his tightly as he mumbled worriedly in his sleep. Bomber was right next to him. Good boy was awake the whole time, watching over my husband. I gave Bomber a good chin scratch before I carefully scooped up Izuku into my arms and carried him to our room. It took a bit of effort since my body was so sore from being gripped by a fucking ice fire dragon thing for hours. Fucking half and half....

I learned my lesson that day. Never ever help the boss escape paperwork. He’s a clever little demon when it comes to evading paperwork, so be careful and do not fall for his trickery and manipulation. But I’m glad I got to see a new side of my husband. I believe half and half. Izuku wasn’t lying about what he said to hearth that time.


	6. Izuku’s journal on working at the Ground Zero agency

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is a bonus/extra chapter. You may notice it’s entirely different. I just wanted to try writing one with Izuku’s POV and this time, he’s narrating his time as a sidekick at Kacchan’s hero agency. I hope you guys like it! Let me know what you think and if I should add in these bonus chapters again? 
> 
> Also, I’ll continue to use ‘Ground Zero’ to avoid spoilers for anime-only readers.

Hi! My name is Bakugo Izuku. I recently started working part time at my husband’s Hero agency. Oh my gosh, I am so excited! It has always been my dream to be my husband’s sidekick. Back when we were kids, I always took the role of All might Junior, Captain Death Might’s trusty sidekick! Yeah, me and Kacchan were both big All Might fanboys back then. I Still am! Hehe!

Most people think I got this job easily because I’m the number one hero’s husband. Not really, I worked hard to get this part time job! In fact, I had to work harder! Being someone who didn’t receive a formal education on heroism, I had a lot of catching up to do! I even had to take an exam to get my provisional hero license. Oh God that exam. I am so thankful it wasn’t a written exam or I would have quit immediately! I managed to pass it with only a few broken bones though. It’s a long story I’d rather not get into. All I can say is that Flame Hero Endeavor is extremely heavy. Heavier than All Might!

Kacchan’s agency is VERY big! He’s the number one hero both locally and internationally so he has hundreds of sidekicks, support, and rescue heroes under his employment. The ground Zero building consisted of several floors. The higher the floor, the higher the rank of the sidekicks. Sort of reminds me of my secret base, but opposite. Of course, Kacchan’s at the very top! He even owns the entire top floor. Amazing right?! I always hang out there whenever I had to bring his lunch. He has a cool lounge with a big sofa and a gigantic flatscreen TV. I would sometimes bring my own DVD’s because the tv at our house is smaller and that big one is, like, 4K resolution! Unfortunately Kacchan would shoo me away whenever the tv’s being used for zoom meetings with important World hero Association people. I was a civilian back then but I wonder if Kacchan won’t shoo me off this time? I’m his sidekick now! I really want to meet the prestigious world hero Association people. I encounter them as the big boss but I couldn’t ask for their autographs, sadly.

Sidekicks, especially if an agency is as big as The Ground Zero Agency, are assigned to ranks. Class C, B, A, and S. C is the lowest rank and you get assigned to low risk jobs that are quite similar to regular chores like rescuing a cat off a tree or escorting elders across the street. The higher your rank, the more riskier, fun jobs you can take. Especially if you rank up to S class. That’s when you REALLY get the fun dangerous jobs. And you know the best part of it? You get to work with Kacchan!

Kacchan takes the life risking jobs that are huge deals! Like, human extinction level threats! It’s so cool, though I worry for his safety. This is why I always have Denki and Shoto stationed to be s-class sidekicks for him. Not just to keep an eye on the heroes, but also to make sure my husband is safe, especially if I’m away on a mission of my own....or if there’s a supermarket sale I absolutely can’t miss. Actually, I think they have another super special sale on meat items at 2pm, I gotta remind myself. Kacchan loves the premium cuts, but they’re so expensive!

Anyways, I’m still at rank C so unfortunately I can’t go saving the world with Kacchan just yet. He does let me tag along when he patrols the city though. However, I’m alone and tasked with chores majority of the time. It’s quite boring to be honest, but I want to rank up and be with Kacchan so I gotta grin and bear it for now.

Everyone knows me as Ground Zero’s ‘quirkless’ house husband. Even after Kacchan’s press release, everyone still treats me like a glass doll of some sort. He explained to everyone how my quirk weakens my body that’s why I was deemed ‘quirkless’. But now I’ve been working hard to overcome that ‘drawback’ that’s why I was determined to become a sidekick. That’s the cover story I told Kacchan, at least. And that sort of backfired on me, now everyone thinks I’ll get hurt if I use my quirk. They don’t even assign me with missions outside of the ground zero building! They give me chores like sweeping the floors and operating the photocopy machine.

I really hope this does not affect my plans of ranking up to S class. Also unfortunately, there are some people who don’t like me that much. I was often viewed as the trophy husband who only wanted my husband for fame and fortune. That’s not true! I love Kacchan! If they see my entire collection of ground zero merch, I bet they won’t doubt my loyalty! Also, I had to have an all out battle with Shoto to get a statue of Kacchan made in my base. That should say something about my dedication for Ground Zero!

I usually just ignore those people. They probably have too much time on their hands to be assuming things about someone they don’t know. However, I think some of the sidekicks have the same impression of me. I met a few of them at the break room. I was snacking on some instant noodles when a group of sidekicks approached me.

“Hello there, you must be mind field! It’s a pleasure to meet you. You’re quite a celebrity in the agency.”

I smiled and greeted them of course. We got to chatting and I sort of ended up interviewing them about their quirks. I just finished setting up my new quirks journal, I want to interview as many sidekicks as I can. Now that I’m a fellow sidekick, I think it would be useful to have an archive of everyone’s quirks. Also, I just love learning about different types of quirks and their usage. It’s a hobby of mine.

“It must be nice being Ground Zero’s husband. I won’t be surprised if you’ll be promoted S class by the end of the week.” One of them said.

“Yeah, us normal people had to take at least a hundred jobs in total before we even hope for a promotion to class B. I’m so jealous!”

“But be careful out there Mind field. Ranks aren’t everything. You may have the connection, but the jobs are ridiculously dangerous. But I’m sure Ground Zero won’t take you to missions once you reach S class. He’ll probably take you during public conferences, conventions, and events though. So just do what you do best and stay adorable and cute for him.”

They left with a friendly wave. I’m sure they mean well, but I’m gonna prove to them I can handle s class missions! I don’t really aim to be a full pledged hero, this is just my part time job. But I really want to go on missions with Kacchan someday, just like when we were kids! I did actually go on a few life-threatening missions with Kacchan once upon a time. That was the time when he and Big boss were a super secret epic team. We broke that team up unfortunately. I think he still feels guilty for shooting the big boss with those quirk erasing bullets. But it’s not his fault! It’s my stupid dad whom I didn’t know was All for one, the leader of the sucky league of villains. Ugh. Because of Dad, I can’t go on epic missions with Kacchan anymore. We had fun back then! Anyways, I’ve moved on from that. Now, I want to be Kacchan’s sidekick! I probably can’t rank up to S-class by the end of the week like those sidekicks said, but I’ll eventually get there! As soon as I can convince them to give me a real mission! Not just silly chores to keep me busy while Ground Zero’s out.

Well, I think I’ll end this entry for now. It’s almost time for that super sale. I don’t want to be late, I gotta make sure Kacchan gets his premium cuts! I’ll try to update this journal again some other time. Bye bye!


	7. Rule 5: Newbies are in charge of clean up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fake wife: Toga  
> Hand job: Shigaraki  
> Shitty hair: Kirishima  
> Tapes: sero  
> Dunce face: Denki 
> 
> I will continued to use ‘Ground Zero’ for Kacchan’s hero name to avoid spoiling anime-only’s

I think it’s customary in all workplaces that have a hierarchy of some sort to make the newbies do the menial tasks. The Organization is no exception. As a newbie, you’re expected to be on clean up duty all the damn time. And what do I mean by clean up? As you may expect from a Villain Organization: cleaning up dead bodies. Yeah. No bullshit.

I was one of the four newbies who have extra privileges for being a direct-hire. The other three were fake wife, Twice, and handjob in case you were wondering. Handjob’s recently been upgraded to a core member though since he’s the big boss’s older brother. So I guess he’s not a new recruit anymore. Fake wife, Toga Himiko, is surprisingly busy for a newbie. Her quirk’s useful so she’s often sent out on missions. Twice, on the other hand, often tags along with her so he’s also always out and about. That leaves me in my lonesome. That’s fine, my intention was to stay in the base and spy on my husband and this organization anyway. Fuck, that sounded weird... but it is what it is. It’s not like I want to be an actual villain in the organization. I refuse to commit any crimes, I’m the number one fucking hero after all! But I guess I’ve already broken like a crap ton of laws over the past months since I ‘joined’ the organization. And now? Add ‘accessory to the crime, tampering with the evidence, and desecrating human corpses’ as part of my major criminal offenses. I am so fucked.

Anyways, since I’m the only newbie present amongst the core members, I always end up with the task of cleaning after their kills. The first time I had to be on clean up duty was also the first time I witnessed my babycakes kill. Surprisingly, he’s a lot more cleaner when he’s not pissed. He’d usually do a simple beheading or a more efficient and quick throat slit. However, the first time he killed in front of me, he got a little bit too messy and creative. It was during a meeting. I was warned beforehand to stay on high alert. The man we were supposed to meet up with was suspected to be a traitor. I forgot his name, he’s just a shitty extra I guess. You might be wondering why I don’t seem to feel any sympathy for this guy. Oh it’s fucking justified. Let me continue telling the story.

You see, this douchebag planned on assassinating ME. Ground Fucking Zero. The fuck did I do to this asshole? Well, I guess I beat the shit out of his men. What was I supposed to do? They were into human trafficking. It went international so I was leading the other heroes from the World Hero Association and launched a full scale attack on their hidden base. They held people captive, something about gathering research experiments or some shit. They weren’t the mastermind, but they’re the kidnappers. The middlemen. We managed to rescue all the victims and apprehended the men but apparently the leader escaped. So here he was, running to the Big Boss’s hideout to ask for help.

“If we join forces, we will be able to generate a crap ton of income. With your resources, we can even grab a few UA kids. Children with good quirks sell extremely well. I’m sure you have connections with the school and can silence anyone if need be. What do you say, big boss? This is a very good business opportunity for your organization.”

I was mad that Izuku was even entertaining this fucker. I should have expected that the big boss would be involved with fucked up people like this shitty extra...was I a fool to hope that my villain husband only does crimes that aren’t too fucked up? That he’s somewhat of a vigilante who kills the bad guys because heroes can’t? and not a villain who terrorized innocent people and commit crimes because he’s evil? I guess that’s stupid of me to think like that. He’s the big boss....the ruler of all villains, of course he’d be the most fucked up out of all of them. But I still have a sliver of hope that my husband isn’t like that. Even if Izuku has hidden a good part of his life from me, I can tell he’s not faking anything when he’s with me. I trust him and I know that my cute hero nerd wouldn’t be this fucked up.

I was right.

“I would have to decline your offer. I do not associate with low-grade villains involved in the harming of innocent civilians. Especially those who abduct innocent children for their quirks. They are the lowest of the low. Your kind disgusts me.”

The fucker, after being rejected, finally dropped all pleasantries. He pulled out a gun and pointed it at my babycakes. The sight of the gun brought back horrible memories for me. Memories I wished would stop haunting me to this day. I don’t want to remember it, but it keeps crawling back into my mind. Whenever that would happen, I’d find it hard to breathe and my hands start shaking. Fuck. I shouldn’t be having a panic attack right now. He’s going to kill my husband!

“While I couldn’t find out about your quirk, big boss, might as well erase it.” The fucker grinned.

NO NO NO! A fucking quirk erasing bullet?! Shit. I gotta call for backup. I was the only one accompanying Izuku during this meeting. Everyone else was busy. They thought Izuku dealing with this guy was enough, but they didn’t know that this fucker had access to quirk erasing bullets! ...Maybe one of the core members are nearby?! But can they get here before this asshole pulls the fucking trigger?! I gotta be the one to protect my husband! Even if it means using my quirk and exposing my identity! But....I can’t fucking move! I’m in the middle of a fucking panic attack! How pathetic can I be? I’m the number one hero and here I am, shaking over a fucking gun that can be easily blasted off!

I have to move....I have to-

“It’s a shame, my company would have been a great asset to your organization. I was in contact with a person who created an interesting substance to help you kill ground zero. It was a reward from one of my clients.”

My eyes widened. I was still paralyzed. I want to desperately walk over to my husband and shield him from the bullet.

“Oh? You plan to kill Ground Zero?”

“Taking interest are we?” The fucker smirked then pulled out a small vial containing a weird liquid. “This chemical is formulated specifically for Ground Zero. Once injected into his system, it’ll activate his quirk from inside and make him explode to a million pieces. Too bad you’ve refused my offer, I would have given you this but I guess I’ll have to kill ground zero myself. Right after I kill you of course.”

The fucking asshole continued to point the gun at Izuku who seemed eerily calm. Why isn’t my husband moving away or panicking?! Wasn’t he in this same situation a year ago?! Move away damnit! Run! You’ll die if one of your quirks are erased!

“Boss run!” I managed to say. I was sweating like a bucket. I wasn’t scared for myself, even after knowing that there’s a poison created specifically to kill me in that fucker’s hand right now. No. I was scared for Izuku and that I won’t be able to do anything about it just like last time. Shit shit shit.

“Well, I was going to let you live after this cute little display. But now I have to kill you.... for threatening my husband like that.”

Before the shocked villain could pull the trigger, Izuku easily flung the gun away from his hand. Everything in the room started to float and the light flickered on and off. It’s like we’re in a scene from a fucking horror movie and a pissed off demon’s fucking around with telekinesis. In this case, Izuku’s the pissed off demon. His eyes were glowing and....is he floating?! Holy shit. He didn’t even lift his two fingers and swipe like he’d normally do. The villain fell back, probably crapping his pants from how scared he was. Izuku didn’t make the guy’s death quick. He gathered all the pens and sharp objects around the room and stabbed the fucker with them one by one. He even dismantled the gun and shot all the bullets onto the half-dead guy, giving him a lethal dose of those quirk erasing bullets.

By the time it ended, the room was a fucking mess. The villain hung from the ceiling, several shards of glass, pens, pencils, rulers, and other sharp office supplies protruded from his eyes sockets, chest and crotch. Ouch, babycakes wasn’t playing games.

Izuku pried the bottle of the ground zero kryptonite from the corpse and glared at the thing angrily. To my surprise, the thing burst into flames in Izuku’s hand. Fire?! Izuku has a fire quirk?

It’s as if Izuku read my mind (or probably my shocked expression) he started explaining. “It’s not as intense as Nightfire’s flames, these are psychic flames. Potent destructive psychic energy. Enough to destroy that disgusting substance. I won’t let anyone harm Ground zero.” He continued to glare as he let the vial turn into ashes in his hand. After that, he turned to me, looking worried.

“Are you alright Hearth? You looked so scared and distressed when he pulled out that gun. I was worried for you.” He asked, his cold glare no longer there. There was no trace of the frighteningly calm but pissed off demon on that cute face. He was back to being the adorable husband I know.

“I-I’m fine boss. It’s just...I was scared he might hurt you.. I heard the last time before I joined, you were hurt badly by these quirk erasing bullets.” I admitted. I feel fucking stupid and helpless. I was supposed to protect my husband, it’s one of the reasons I even started doing this sneaking around shit. But here I am all but pissing my pants from how scared I was of facing that situation again.

Izuku smiled and walked over to me. He placed a hand on my shoulder. “You’re a good guy Hearth. Makes me wonder why you chose to be a villain. I’m fine, don’t worry. I had everything under control. Although I did not anticipate he’d have quirk erasing bullets, I knew he had a gun. As you have just witnessed, I can kill him before he can even pull the trigger.”

“That incident you mentioned? I foolishly had my guard lowered. That’s why Ground Zero managed to shoot me. I was having fun hanging with him and almost forgot I was playing the part of the big boss. But I learned my lesson now.”

My husband was about to head out the door when I stopped him. “Wait boss- does that mean...you don’t trust him anymore? Your own husband?” I asked but I was afraid to know the answer. Izuku looked over to me, taken aback by the question.

“Kacchan? God no! I always trust him.” A chill ran down my spine as I sensed a menacing aura and pressure around the room. This was worst than that horror show display a while ago with the flickering lights and floating objects. Izuku was emanating intense killing intent enough to almost bring me down in my knees.

“It’s this world I don’t trust. I have to keep it safe for him no matter what. I will establish order and balance amongst these unruly villains so my husband can freely be a hero and protect the world above.”

I had no words. In the past, I’d always absentmindedly listen to the big boss’s monologues about his weird fixation over balance and all that shit. It never felt the power and pressure of his words until now.

“Well, I’m counting on you Hearth. Please clean this up before Shoto returns or he’ll kick both our asses..” Izuku grinned happily before he headed out the door, leaving me alone in this completely thrashed room along with the mutilated corpse. Well shit. This is the second time he’s escaped and left me to deal with his mess. Goddamnit babycakes. Luckily, I was able to clean the room up before half and half returned. Toga, my fake wife, came by a few hours later along with Twice and they helped me out.

“Wow you’re surprisingly good at cleaning up dead bodies. You sure you haven’t done this before?”  
“I just watch a lot of true crime.”  
“Sure I believe you, mister number one hero.”  
“Well you’re-oh shut up!”

“Aww don’t tease Kacchan, Toga.” Twice, who was mopping the floors while wearing a pink apron, teasingly scolded.

“Don’t call me that, idiot! Especially not here!”

Why did I become friends with these assholes? They’re worst that shitty hair and Tapes. Anyways, I’ve been cleaning after my husband’s kills ever since that day. I’ve gotten better at it too. I know which cleaning chemicals best used for a more efficient and fast blood stain removal. I even know how to wipe off any traces of fingerprints or DNA......not sure if that’s something to be proud of though. Also, after a few months of doing this shit, I noticed something about majority if not all of my husband’s ‘victims’. These assholes are fucking assassins. They all want me dead! What the actual fuck? I knew I had some people threatening my life but I didn’t know it was this many?! I think they killed like ten groups of assassins just this week! Well aside from that, my babycakes only kills his fellow villains. I’ve never seen him target heroes or civilians unless they’re secretly villains too. So I was right to think my husband isn’t as fucked up of a villain. I mean, as a hero, I shouldn’t condone murder, but... ugh, let’s not get into morality right now. This is a fucking journal entry about disposing dead bodies.

Anyways. So in conclusion, if you’re a newbie, you’re expected to clean the mess up. The core members will not ask you to tag along on missions to actually contribute or help. They expect you to be their janitor. So make sure to bring your cleaning supplies. I suggest purchasing those travel sized containers over at daiso (located at the top floor, next to Aoyama’s boutique).


End file.
